Putting things away.

"It's a Useful Pot," said Pooh. "Here it is. And it's got 'A Very Happy Birthday with love from Pooh' written on it. That's what all that writing is. And it's for putting things in. There!"

When Eeyore saw the pot, he became quite excited.

Creating physical art uses so much matter; raw materials, tools, reference materials and more. Much of being an artist lays outside the sexy moments of creating. Goddamnit, much of it is about cleaning and organizing.

Sometimes the most productive thing one can do for one’s art is to put things away for later.

Yesterday morning was such a time.

Before I could start sewing clothing for this week’s doll I had to choose what materials I’d use. To choose the fabrics and trims, I had to be able to survey what I had in my supply stash. To fully see my stash, I first had to organize it.

Stashes are never static. They breathe. They shrink as you use them and swell with new items you bring to them. I suspect, but have no proof, that they wander the lands when you step away from them…gathering companions and loosing items you’ll want in a few months.

I don’t always put everything away at the end of a making session and there are many reasons.

I must rip myself away from the flow of creating for my job, or sleep.
I have brought new items home, like the bag of trims my co-worker Enid gave me for >her< stash, and have not yet found the best place to store them.
Things can’t be put away, because they are drying or not yet set.
I know myself and my ADHD and understand (or believe) that if I put away a certain object I will not be able to easily find it again and continue my work in a timely fashion.

And there are similar myriad of reasons I have to put things away and/or organize them.

So my workspace is available
So I can find what I need
So I know what I have.
So the clutter before me doesn’t depress or overwhelm me, preventing me from creating.

The years before and after I was diagnosed with AHDH it was common for people to remark on how organized I appear to be.

Of course, I’d think, because if I don’t do this I’ll get nothing done but t doesn’t come easy to me. This isn’t in my nature. I HAVE to do it. Without it I am chaos and unfocused energy.

Or as my boyfriend calls it, playing off my name, I am Kaytotic.

This is but one of the drawers of fabrics.

Yesterday morning I put on a podcast, gathered scraps and emptied confused containers and drawers, and set to putting things away in an order that made sense.

And while putting things in order is not my default mode, nor is in enjoyable, I have come to find it calming. It can center me. Not every time, but it can.

Organizing hasn’t always been soothing for me. Prior my ADHD diagnosis, my organizing happened in intense bursts of hyperfocus that usually signaled I was lowering into a depression/anxiety period. There was the feeling that if I could do this, whatever huge cleaning/organizing/de-cluttering I was embarking on, that the buzzing in my mind or my rapidly increasing heart rate would decrease.

It didn’t.

Now that I understand better how to organize and plan in a way that is productive and supports how my mind and moods work, I’ve made peace with it.

It’s no longer something I tackle in hyperactive, hyper-focused mode until I burn out.

It’s smaller daily and weekly habits (rituals?) that feed my body and mind: not unlike getting enough sleep, eating well, staying socially connected with good people and working out.

Sometimes my mind is still full of hornets, buzzing to beat the band, and it’s not always pleasant…but I know not it won’t be quieted by matching the intensity within my head with massive, external, unfocused outpourings of energy and attention.

Sometimes, after I’ve put things in order for a while, I let the susurrations of my skull take me on adventures and wild diversions. I don’t push it down or fight it. The hyperactive energy that fills me (and make no mistake, my ADHD mostly presents as hyperactive/impulsive) can be difficult but it is also a large component of my artistic creativity and my emotional reach.

I recognize that not all the connections my mind makes in that mode are correct and factual but I also don’t discount the importance sometimes of what feels, emotionally, like a true connection.

I’m ok with a bit of Kaytotic overlap of my facts, emotions, and metaphors.

I am not only working at gaining the skills to build doll trunks because of an driving need for order and things to put things in…but that desire to put my life, my work, and my objects of art in some sort of order does plays a role in why I am working on those skills.

The very act of writing about what I must sift through, survey, and put in order does not remain simply about the manipulation of physical objects, its also a metaphor for so much in my life right now.

"I'm very glad," said Pooh happily, "that I thought of giving you a Useful Pot to put things in."

"I'm very glad," said Piglet happily, "that I thought of giving you Something to put in a Useful Pot."

But Eeyore wasn't listening. He was taking the balloon out, and putting it back again, as happy as could be....

Three Months At A Time

Scraps!